Fly Away Home

the US trip couldn't have happened at a more ridiculous time -- the summer was just starting and friends have all sorts of fun stuffs planned for the whole season; i was engaged with another project, which i honestly prefer rather than the one i would be taking on here in US; and i was fighting a losing battle against the inevitable process of letting go.

Aerial view of St. Louis, Missouri

when the final date of my departure was settled, i was still in denial..it was exciting, yes...but can it be postponed for even just a month? or maybe two weeks? or until i finished the other project? but the flight was on and the show must go on. off i went to the land of opportunity (sarcasm here).

the immigration officer was rude (which is expected, i guess). i almost screamed to his face "yes, i have a return ticket, yes, i have four bags and probably needs a lesson on packing light, and no, i have no intentions of running off with cowboys!! thank you very much!!"

spring was still in full swing when i arrived in St. Louis. and they were having a peculiarly wet spring, as i've been told. it's either raining and humid or raining and chilly. i didn't like it all.

Onboard the St. Louis Metrolink

i don't have a car so i had to take a cab to work (which costs a fortune, by the way!) and the bus/light rail transit on weekends (where all kinds of weirdos convene. i was asked out by a 50ish black guy, who reeks of beer and for some mysterious reasons could understand tagalog. i was scared out of my mind! i was trying to estimate his weight, deciding if my roundhouse kick would do more damage to him...or to me...serves me right for riding the bus at 11pm!)

one time, i missed my bus so i had to wait for 40 min for the next one. so there i was, standing, shivering by the bus stop, throwing an evil eye at the guy beside me eating ice cream. ice cream? seriously?

there is an outdoor swimming pool at the apartment where im staying but i wonder, is there anybody in her right mind who would actually go for a swim at 15 degrees Celsius?

at Target, Creve Coeur, St. Louis

i have to get my own grocery. yes, i usually buy my toiletries and a few items here and there for a tiny meal i would prepare back home. but here, i am forced to get everything myself --- the bread and pasta, the cleaning materials, the detergent, even the purified water. you couldn't understand what i'm griping about? imagine walking home on frigid weather with an armload of groceries and 2 gallons of water..do you get what i mean now?

and everything seems so much more expensive!! i think i have a peso-dollar converter built into my own system. it's become almost a second nature to me. i'd be in the grocery and i'd see tomatoes priced at $3/lb and i was like "potek! 150 pesos!!! wag na magkamatis! i can get my lycopene from free ketchups at the office cafeteria!!" i also put additional 6.285% as tax for food commodities and 8.925% for nonfood items.

Special thanks to google.com for teaching me how to operate the washing machine.

i have to cook, i have to learn how to separate my laundry (which could go with the whites, which needed warm water) iron and fold them. i have to clean, not just my room but the whole apartment, and take out trash every night (for which, i have devised a very good strategy: sprint across the parking lot to the dumpster and back inside the heated apartment under 30 seconds). i guess you could say i have a better appreciation of our house-help now more than ever.

i was calling home more than usual. before, when my family is going out, i'd sometimes try to beg off; but now, when i heard they were out, i felt bad. i missed them. even oreon, our dog. i would ask them to put me on speaker phone and call out oreon's name to see if he still recognizes my voice!! i know! i know! it sounds pathetic but hey, we all have our quirks, right?

and since i am vertically challenged (hehehe), everyone is towering over me! it's not a very nice feeling. i've been straining my legs for wearing heels in the office, especially since the cafeteria is a couple of buildings away.

Creve Coeur, St. Louis, Missouri

the only thing i could stand is jogging. i would run for an hour around the creve coeur pond, pass the group of nasty-looking geese ready to pounce at me if i come one step closer...round the corner where the group of indian men, women, and kids congregate...over the bridge, where 3 black men had their fishing rods ready, and then pass the middle grade couple by the park bench seemingly lost in the giddy world of young love. my favorite character is the next-door neighbor's siberian husky, who would look out of the glass sliding door and watch me stretch.

Creve Coeur, St. Louis, Missouri

but humans are such amazing creatures. they are gifted with the uncanny superpowers of adaptation. soon, i began looking forward to my afternoon run. before sunset, when the sun is just about ready to dip and the glare doesn't hurt my eyes so much, i would put on my running shoes and off i go...skirting the war freak geese, stopping to talk with the indian women and play tag with the kids...nodding a greeting to the black fishermen (whom im beginning to doubt if they ever catch anything), and then sneaking a glance at the young couple, still lost in their own world...finally stopping by the house where the siberian husky would come and stare at me through the glass door.

and then, the weather improved --- the sun began to shine but surprisingly, it doesn't hurt my skin too much. the breeze is just right...it caresses my face making me close my eyes and tilt my head upwards as if saying, "more please."

the trees bloom, standing proudly and green and alive, mocking me, daring me to try and hate them. of course, i couldn't.


the next thing i knew, i finally changed my laptop and cellphone from manila time to central time.

Forest Park, St. Louis, Missouri

St. Louis Cathedral, St. Louis, Missouri

And then, the lakwatsas began: st. louis cathedral, then forest park, then the history museum where i saw the real michaelangelo's pieta, then the art museum, muny theater, the swanky central west end...

and then, i began having rather interesting conversations with cab drivers. one owns a shipping business, one has been to europe. one is wise enough to tell me to "live now" exactly when i needed to be reminded of it.

and then, i started having private jokes with the bus drivers. "hey tom, can we go for drive-thru? i have the sudden craving for veggie burger.." for which tom would reply, "ain't nothing to worry about, short stuff. only 9 people on board goin' somewhere...'think they're in a mood for a large fry?"

and then, i began drinking iced water, walking outside wearing sleeveless and shorts, swimming almost everyday and eating lunch by the cafeteria garden.

even my height could sometimes be a plus --- im always mistaken for a student! i got to cheat time, in a way. i got asked out by a 16-year old boy while walking in forest park alone. when i told him my age, he retracted his invite, saying, "oh, you're too old for me!" I didn't know if i should laugh or shake my head in disbelief, but being a perpetual Pollyanna, i chose to see the positive side to it...i could get student discounts but since i'm USUALLY an honest person (hahaha), i set them straight.

Tivoli Theater, Delmar Loop



Botanical Garden, St. Louis, Missouri

and then, more lakwatsas --- the delmar loop, the opera theater of st. louis, the missouri botanical garden, downtown st. louis, the gateway arch, the cardinals game...

and i began to love getting my groceries at dierbergs two blocks away, where you can choose brown paper bags versus plastic bags and where store hours are until midnight (a great relief for coffee addicts/insomniacs like me





Lake Erie, Ohio



Chicago Theater District, Chicago Loop



Phoenix, Arizona

and then i'm off to cleveland, to chicago, and to phoenix --- and every time our plane would touch the lambert airport runway, i would always think, "im glad to be back, st. louis. i missed you. cleveland is just too boring, chicago is just too cold, and phoenix is just too hot...but you, my st. louis, are just right!"

Chicago River

and then i got a text message from my mom, asking "asan ka na ngayon?" for which i chose a generic, nonspecific reply ("nasa chicago na ako, mom. mas malamig dito. will call you mamya...) and not the actual, more descriptive one (alone in a big, windy city of chicago, admiring the chicago river, shivering and kicking myself for leaving my coat in the hotel, while a homeless, toothless black man hover in the distance, asking for 99 cents for a burger). the text message was a painful reminder that i missed calling home that weekend and that maybe i'm not so homesick anymore.

mind you, i'm still converting but apparently, it did nothing to stop me from buying shoes and bags and God knows what! now, im about to return half of the things i bought because no way could i take them home without paying an extra $150 for over-baggage fee.

It is hard not to like this city precisely because it just embraces you and takes you in like his own. the people are great. in downtown chicago, i was almost run over by a lady in a motorized wheelchair while waiting for the pedestrian signal! but people in st. louis would smile and ask "how are you doin'?" they don't hover and are really mindful about personal space, at least the ones i've met so far and with the exception of the bus weirdos who still give me the creeps. It is a city that was able to merge the greens and the buildings, progress and convention...

Aerial view of my flight to LA

everything happens for a reason. i may not like it when it happens but things unravel as they should be. i have lost some, but i also gained a lot. and more than ever, i appreciate manila. with all it's faults and troubles, it is home. st. louis is a nice, long break, a test, an eye-opener for someone who has a tendency to hide behind rose-colored glasses, a great shopping place, a fun learning experience, a taste of independence...indeed, the land of opportunity to finally realize ---

i am strong. and i did it. now, i'm ready to go home. ( i mean, after my LA trip, i'm ready to go home...)