a few weeks ago, a guy asked me what my goal is.
i raked my brain for some intelligent and remotely profound thing to say, but i couldn’t think of any…except, i want to dance.
i couldn’t forget the look of surprise and disbelief on his face. ”to dance?” he repeated, as if his expression wasn’t enough!
i didn’t explain further. i just shrugged and said, “yes, i want to dance.” after all, how can i justify to someone what i myself couldn’t understand at that time?
my few attempts at dancing were met with much humor and creativity, mostly from my friends whom i can always rely on to keep my feet on the ground. they likened my efforts to playing “piko” and “mataya-taya” and doing a basketball interpretative dance. mind you, i was showing them a flower dance!!
but no worries, i have courage. i have enough patience to deal with them. boxing taught me how to roll with the punches (and tae kwon do taught me how to execute a really mean counter-kick. so no, they didn’t get away with those comments without a fight!)
and even when they decided to gang up against me, i counted on my meditation techniques to expel the thought of running amok and strangling the loudest of them all, no matter how incredibly tempting it was…
before we go any further, you must understand. i’ve always believed i couldn’t dance (and perhaps i am right in that belief!). i am so self-conscious! i would sway to the music but as soon as i notice anybody looking at me, i start to fumble and trip on my own feet! it’s probably one of the by-products of all those years of being considered a fat geek. and even if i shed a few pounds and had a bit of an accidental personality overhaul (from nerdy to outdoorsy), i still haven’t quite gotten over that image of myself.
anyways, these recent attacks on my goal compelled me to sit down and come up with plausible reasons why i join dance classes.
i dance because it is an art. it is a form of expression using a much harder medium to master. it is one thing to conjure words to express the despair you are in or the pure bliss you are feeling; it is quite another to command your body to convey the intricacies of such emotions. it requires control, discipline, flexibility, body coordination and above all, grace.
i dance because we owe it to ourselves to break our self-imposed limitations. hell, it could even be a means of knowing yourself! you’ll get to feel comfortable with yourself and let go of inhibitions. which works for you, which doesn’t? what kind of music do you like to dance to? which is negotiable, which is a given? which muscles and body parts do you engage at which particular instance? when you sway your hips, you have to sway it like your life depends on it. when you arch your back and then throw your head, arms and shoulders back emphasizing your chest, flaunt it even if it’s practically nonexistant. listen to the music and flow with it.
and while i understand that i do not have a natural gift for it (you won’t believe what my classmates could do! i mean, how can they just look at a step and see when to pop the shoulders or raise the correct arm with the correct leg?), i could probably get away with dancing a few styles. hip hop and i were off to a bad start, ballet and i clashed because it’s too elite and feminine, but i think jazz and i understand each other well. that goes for latin dancing,too!
i dance because i want to create a balance within me. we have in us both feminine and masculine qualities and it’s good to find the right mix. i think i veered too much on the martial arts side. don’t get me wrong — i find great relief in knowing i can defend myself should the need arises, but being described as “macho” is downright insulting and could make even the strongest women cry. i still take lessons from time to time since it’s already a part of me (and since it is better to kick the punching bag than the person sitting beside me in the office, right?) but, like what i said, we have to have that balance. happy to say, with the dance and yoga classes that i’ve been attending, i’ve improved considerably, at least in my subjective opinion.
and because, once in a while, we need to engage in something just for the sheer pleasure of doing it. honestly, the closest practical application i could think of for the pole dancing class that i’ve been taking is if i fell off a cliff during a mountain climbing escapade, i could easily hold on to a branch using my thighs, execute a fireman spin or a seated spinner, and land on my ass with glamour.
and largely because when the hour is up and i am all sweaty and breathless, i realize (quoting barbra streisand)….”it feels fucking great.”
that alone is enough of a reason. play that music and let’s groove to it!
